To the girls who doubt they are beautiful

I see this constant struggle with imperfection. We look in the mirror and we automatically see flaws. Your teeth aren’t white enough, your skin isn’t perfect, you’re having a bad hair day, and the list can go on and on. When you see someone for the first time you automatically make a first impression about who they are just by the way that they look. “Our brains form first impressions by creating a composite of all the signals given off by a new experience. How good these impressions are at making accurate judgments of people depends on the observer and the person being observed”  (Flora). We as humans have this absolute fear of being judged by others. As women, many strive to look beautiful for people, whether that’s for the guy your trying to impress or total and complete strangers. Right? We take time in front of the mirror to make sure we look presentable to go out of the house. Some spend a few minutes and some spend a few hours, but why is it that we try so hard to look better than when we wake up in the morning? I asked a close guy friend his opinion about being beautiful and whether or not you needed to have ‘the looks’. The first one commented, “I think that in order to be beautiful, you don’t necessarily have to be the most good looking person, but I think that naturally you must be somewhat attractive to be beautiful because we first notice beauty with our eyes, so looks are important” (Gus Williams). Generally we feel the need to appear attractive and beautiful to people, and I think the media is to blame. I know that’s a big accusation to blame the media but don’t you see it? The media is all around us and it sets up this body image that we have to fit in order to look perfect. Many girls and women would deny me saying that they don’t feel the pressure from the media however; there are some who agree and want to obtain the Victoria Secret Super Model perfection.

Since the Victoria Secret Fashion was just on television not too long ago, it was the show that made every women watching extremely self-conscious about their body image around our school. Now if you were watching these models strut in longerie and you were like me, you asked yourself why are these girls sickly skinny and tall. The Victoria Secret Model needs to be 5 feet 8 inches – 6 feet tall and they also have to have 34-inch bust, 24-inch waist, and 34-inch hip. These models set an undefined standard because we all know that men go crazy for these women. However if you don’t have that exact sexy hourglass shape like the models do then you better have a beautiful face (Gregos). We are constantly being judged by our body-shapes, our faces, and pretty much solely on our outer appearance.

The media always portrays women, with perfect skin and skinny bodies to sell and promote all of their products. Just like every Victoria Secret Model, Audrina Patridge is exactly like them. If you watch television you actually may know her from the show The Hills, however that is not the only place you may know her. Have you ever seen a Carl’s Jr commercial for the Teriyaki Burger? The media uses these girls that have perfect skin, skinny bodies, big breasts, and are most sex appealing to men. However the problem is that it makes men drool and women feel self-conscious about themselves. Seeing women that have perfect bodies plastered all around can be intimidating and lower ones self-esteem.

Our media standard’s of good-looking and beautiful women has reached an unreachable high. With technology these days an ‘average’ middle-aged woman can look ten years younger. The media makes women feel bad about ourselves because they think that they can never be as gorgeous as the woman on the build board, but even she can’t even look like that. It is time we stand up for ourselves. The media doesn’t control who is beautiful in this world. If we let them keep beating ourselves up for not being Victoria Secret Super Model gorgeous or if we keep letting them alter our faces with digital technology, then they will keep shoving skinny and symmetrical gorgeous women in our faces everyday.

To every girl that doubts they are beautiful, it is time to stand up for ourselves. If we can confidently say that we are happy, healthy, and don’t need to rely on the media’s approval of beauty we can be heard better rather than asking the media to stop putting skinny models on the television. If we as woman stand up for ourselves and be proud of who we are then the media will conform to please the audience just to get ratings/money. If you are alive and living your life to the fullest then you are beautiful. It’s not about fitting the ‘image’ that the media sets, it’s about living life to the fullest. We don’t need to have perfect symmetrical eye-brows, or a perfect size lip in order to be beautiful. If you are confident with the way you look and present yourself with confidence then everyone around you will see your radiance and notice the natural beauty living in your body.

Oh College…

When I first started this blog it was practically the first few weeks of college for me. In all honesty I cannot believe how much time has passed by and how many things have happened since the first of the semester. Throughout my blog I think it adapted toward the bustling craziness happening around me. I feel as though I had academic citations throughout my posts my tone stayed mellow and similar to me having a conversation rather than lecturing the readers.

My blog was originally intended to explain situations that I had experienced throughout this first semester and explain my reactions to them. It wasn’t like normal blogs and how they are trying to get you to believe the same things, mine was intended to inform readers my opinions and take it or leave it. Because I am an observer, I wanted to see how people reacted to me in memorable situations that I had experienced. Sometimes it wasn’t actually my experience with it but it could have been something that had happened and I reflected back on it. However my whole blog was intended to reflect on what was happening around me as a new college student.

I wanted my blog posts to be short, simple, and to the point. I didn’t want readers to feel as though they were reading novels about my life but I still wanted them to get the picture. I also wanted readers to feel as though I was talking directly to them. Personally, when the blog has a voice I feel the subject matter can be more interesting and create a relaxed feel to the concept. I can’t say I necessarily talked about getting dinner or going for a walk like I said I could discuss in my ‘About Me’ section. Nonetheless I feel as though my blog positively reflected on my first semester college experience and so far I am quite pleased with college.

Black Friday

It’s the after thanksgiving sale that has every bargain shopper going crazy for great deals. This year was thought to be ever more chaotic than the years before. In an article called Cyber Monday Recap by an Economic Analyst Intern, Mwai Malindi, he states “Massive promotions brought shoppers to retail websites and stores in unprecedented numbers this Black Friday.”  He also gave the numbers corresponding to the number of people who attended or were involved with this Thanksgiving weekend as an estimated 226 million shoppers which was up from last years 212 million shoppers. Businesses are ecstatic for the growth in retail buyers over this weekend, however what is the point? I guess you can say it is the best time for Christmas shopping but it can also be the best time for deals for yourself. 

This year I had found myself at the Camarillo Outlets with my best friend at 9 pm on Thanksgiving day. The one store I knew I had to go into was the one that had a line already two hours before the store even opened. What makes this store so popular? What makes women go crazy for these items? What makes husbands buy them for their wives? It’s insane how even the day after at 6 pm there is still a line to get insane. It was the Coach store. You heard me, Coach. If you are unfamiliar with this store, they sell purses.

Is it the name brand? The quality of the bag? The fact that the bags are on the more expensive side? Women go crazy for these bags. I waited an hour in line in the cold with people wanting to enter the store just as badly as I did. Two ladies in front of me were from Central America enjoying the holiday with family in Los Angeles. They knew they were getting a bag, and they were determined. Then the man behind me just bought a new 40 inch television at Best Buy and was now waiting in line for his wife for a Coach purse. For some reason these Coach purses got to us and had us waiting in line at midnight in the cold for an hour. Personally, I love the brand because of the quality of the purses that they sell. I’m also always impressed by the way they treat their customers with respect, and as a girl a really genuine purse just makes me even more proud to be a women. It’s a personal feeling, and I love Coach.

Initiation

I don’t know if I mentioned that I joined a sorority. I know I said before I wasn’t into it and all that jazz but I realized that the one sorority I really liked had a lot of characteristics I really liked. So this past week I went through initiation. It’s supposed to be hush hush so I can’t give you any details but all in all let me just tell you how joining a sorority has changed me as a person.

I’ve never been one to really rely on a lot of friends. I always stuck with my family and maybe a few lucky best friends. I’ve had trust issues cause some people just don’t treat me all right. However being in this sorority I’ve never felt closer and more together to girls I’ve just barely met. I feel that our friendships can grow a lot more but I also think that they have a lot more potential to grow than most. All the girls are friendly and have one another’s backs and it’s just a comfort to be apart of. Being initiated actually made me feel as if I was learning secrets and truly being apart of something really special. That I am. It’s a sisterhood and a friendship that I will always appreciate more than anything.

My two cents to you is that if you are not in a sorority I’m almost certain that you will feel loved and have the time of your life. If being super close to a bunch of people and calling them your ‘Sisters’ isn’t your thing then I understand. But if you are contemplating it I’m almost certain you will enjoy joining a sorority. Of course every sorority is different so you really have to find one that matches you but nonetheless, venture out. If you are in a sorority, don’t take your sisters for granted. Love and appreciate them because they will have your back no matter what. I truly feel as though we will all be there for each other through thick and thin and not because our letters bring us together. But what we believe within our sorority will bring us together.

Happy Halloween

October 31, 2011

My first Halloween in college, I wasn’t surprise at the sight that I saw. First of all the students started partying exactly a week before it was actually Halloween night. Parties practically every night, and if you wanted to go out partying every night you had to have a different costume every night. It’s the one time each year where girls get to dress up however they want and not be judged. I feel though that girls have to dress provocatively in order to ‘look cool’ otherwise why go out. Girls are judging you by how creative you are and guys are judging you by how slutty you can be so they can hook up with you. Girls are forces to dress slutty in order to be accepted, it makes everyone self-conscious about their bodies.

Girls will go out dressed in nothing, in the freezing cold, just so they can ‘look cool’ to everyone else out partying. They go to such extremes just because society forces women to dress sexual.  Girls whom aren’t comfortable with their bodies don’t want to go out because they feel as though they have to dress in practically nothing in order to go out and have fun. But what if these girls thought about what their parents would think of them dressed up in this way? Image is everything and pictures last forever, next time you dress up for Halloween, think about the photos that come from them, do you want to be seen as another girl who wants to exploit her body?

The Beloved

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWDc5IJCxJU

In my Introduction to Dance class we were studying modern dancers and Lester Horton was brought up. We were talking about the pieces that he is generally known for and we were able to watch a few. One that really stood out to me was The Beloved because even though the dancing was more unique than ever (for this time) the plot line made me think of my Writing about Women class. The beginning of the piece starts with them sitting at a table facing the audience on opposite sides. While he makes the initial move and offers her to take his hand, she has the choice whether to trust him or to walk away. She trusts him through a chaotic relationship.

Now of course with dancing everything interprets things different and this is just how I saw this piece, however it’s really relatable to how women act in my life. Throughout the piece the progression of his anger becomes stronger and stronger. The woman tries to sympathize with him and tries to get him to calm down but he ends up hitting her at one point and then killing her. Now not every relationship happens to be as extreme as this one, however this is a common trait in relationships nowadays. There’s an abusive action that men have when they want to control their ‘woman’ and I think women need to see that no matter who the guy is, it isn’t worth it. They can keep trying to help him change and not be an abusive guy because they ‘love him’ however you guys can keep fighting and fighting and fighting and then they could end up risking their lives completely.

I have friends who are in love with their boyfriends, with an absolute burning passion. But when they don’t treat them right and they are only being hurt in the relationship rather than being loved at all then it’s really a waste of time and they shouldn’t be involved with him. Girls have a tendency to love and devote everything to men no matter what. Reality check girls, just because you ‘love’ him doesn’t mean he’s your soul mate.

A classmate showed me to appreciate someone special

http://bloggingaboutbusinesswomen.wordpress.com/

Above is the link to my lovely classmate Megan Copeland. Her blog is solely about how women in business are growing a commonality rather than a rarity. She wants to explore how women are affected in the business community and how women aren’t being as successful as men.

Although her whole blog is really interesting to read one particular blog that stood out to me was the one titled ‘The Double Burden”. She stated the term ‘The Double Burn” is used to describe the situation of women who perform paid work outside the domestic sphere as well as homemaking and child-care work inside the home. The reason why this one stood out to me a lot was because it made me think of my mother. The whole blog doesn’t relate to my mom struggling in her work place but I can see as I grow up, I see how burned out she is getting. My parents are divorced and my mom was a single parent throughout a bit of my childhood. However she wasn’t alone for long and my dad was in the picture too. I didn’t use to notice my mom struggling to work full time and take care of me as a dancer. Once I got to college I really started seeing and understanding how hard he works and how she is starting to really get burned out.

My mom is an auditor for Safeway, which means she travels and is kind of similar to a health inspector but only for Safeway stores across California and some other states. She’s always on the road and is having to travel for 3-5 days at a time. She recently just got back from a two-week trip to Texas and has to go to Pleasanton next week. She has been doing this job for all of my lifetime and I never truly noticed how hard that could’ve been on her. I wasn’t a needy trouble-making child, but I was a girl who wanted her momma.

The government has such high taxes on the people that it’s hard to really make an income for a single parent single child family. Everyone is struggling economically and forces families to work work work. The burden is targeted on women because even though they may be working so hard they may not be able to make as much. Also they have to make the money and also they have to take care of the family because their children want to see their momma’s too.

My classmate’s blog made me really think about my mom and how hard she really works. I think many families forget to appreciate their hardworking mom’s and bigger corporations should appreciate their hardworking women mom’s too.

Thank you Mom for loving and taking care of me. You are the best.

Bad words a no no?

I was speaking with one of my friends (my RA) and he’s always been the one to naturally curse more than the average person or so he thinks. So my roommate and I have a tendency to curse a bit and it made me realize the dynamic difference from when I may say the “F-word” and when my RA will slip it in to a casual conversation it’s not that big of a deal. Now you may argue that he shouldn’t be saying such things in a work setting but that’s beside the point. It’s interesting to see that girls will curse and it would be considered poor etiquette but when guys curse it’s considered hip and cool.

While researching this idea I came across an article titled Cursing Around Women: Taboo, Offensive, or Get Over it- No Big Deal? It was submitted a woman named Peg back in 2007. She talks about how one idea from the article influenced her to write about ‘cursing’. She says “However, I have always noticed that male colleagues or bosses are frequently super-sensitive to swearing in my presence. I’ve had countless male colleagues actually verbalize an apology when they have slipped a curse word into our conversations.”  It’ just interesting to see how men think that women get offended but most women probably curse more than men. Sure men may think that it’s not proper etiquette for a woman to curse but if it’s not proper for women then why would it be proper for men?

For being someone who curses sometimes to emphasize a story or a situation I don’t people to think that I’m a potty-mouth or that I’m uneducated.  Nor do I want men to feel as if they can’t be themselves around me. I wouldn’t want to be seen as sensitive and not being able to take different situations. So if men can curse so freely and not worry about hurting another guys feelings then women should be treated equally.

Be a little bold in life, what do you have to lose?

In Jessica Valenti’s novel, Full Frontal Feminism, one chapter consisted of the title ‘Dating While Feminist’. Now when we meet people generally girls wait for the guys to ask for their number or give us there number. Who is to say that they have to make the first move? When I was in middle school I always believed that real gentlemen would always make the first moves. Whether it’d be asking for your number, calling you first, texting you back first, or asking you to ‘go steady’. Oddly enough my ‘dating’ past (if you would call it that) doesn’t live up to that idea that men always make the first moves.

 

I have always been the type to naturally get along with guys throughout my schooling. It was just really easy for me and I wouldn’t be afraid to have a casual conversation with a guy.  My friends would always tell me how jealous they would be because I would be so down to earth with the way I spoke to guys. I didn’t stumble or get all girly like a nervous School Girl. They would always say how they wish they could be like me the way I was with guys. Sure if I was interested in talking with a guy I would always slyly ask for their number. However I didn’t always used to think and act bold like this. I used to believe that guys always had to make the first moves throughout my ‘younger years’. However as I’ve grown up and my rules/traditions have changed into believing that guys don’t necessarily have to make the first move, girls can be bold too. The only tradition I have kept is to let the guy ask me to be their girl if they want to be ‘official’.

 

Valenti writes about the “who pays?” argument and how it’s always tricky. She says, “It’s a subject that always generates craziness on Feministing. I don’t know why it’s considered so controversial, honestly.” (139) Her answer makes a lot of sense, ‘Whoever did the asking-out pays.” Simple? It is if you are a women and aren’t afraid to ask out a guy. The whole idea of asking the opposite sex on a date is so confusing because many girls (most of my friends) believe that the guys should ask the girls out because it’s more romantic. However a feminist outlook on this is that girls can ask guys out too. It’s scary and nerve racking for either sex to ask someone on a date but with times changing I think it’s perfectly natural for a girl to ask a guy on a date. I asked my senior prom date to prom, it was a bold and I was shocked I got the courage to ask him to prom, but I just had the mindset ‘time was passing by and rather than wondering if he would say no or yes I should just take a chance’. My odd’s were 50/50 and he sure enough he said “Yes”.

 

I personally don’t think that girls should ask guys to be their boyfriends because I am a romantic type and that’s a traditional things I think is cute. However I do believe that sometimes guys take too long to make a move and I say if you have a lot of guts you should ‘take a chance’ and ‘live a little’. Who knows, maybe you will end up marrying them and being with them for the rest of your life.  A feminist would be confident with herself to be able to ask someone for their number or on a date if they are interested. I understand some women appreciate the whole romance tradition of guys making the first moves but I think it’s exhilarating to step out of the ‘norms’ sometimes.

San Francisco Ballet: RAkU

Wednesday night a few dancers and I received tickets to the San Francisco Ballet at the SegerstromCenter for the Arts. We were originally expecting to see SFB perform Romeo and Juliet, but instead we received tickets for a repertoire. We were kind of bummed that we were not going to see Romeo and Juliet but we were still grateful to be seeing a classical ballet nonetheless.

The first act was typical ballet so we were impressed but it was just too normal. It wasn’t until the second act, RAkU, took the stage clearly just changed our full perception of dance.  For me being Asian, it was really intriguing to see a ballet piece with such modern flare interpreted to an Asian story. The story was about two lovers, a monk, and four warriors. While watching these dancers on the balcony, I could feel their emotions as if they were 10 feet in front of me. The dramatic feel to the whole ballet took us on a wild emotional rollercoaster but one dancer brought tears to my eyes. Her name is Yuan Yuan Tan.

We knew she was flawless from the point of her pas de deux earlier in this act. Even though she stood out in the group pieces because she was the only woman on stage, she didn’t take my breath away until she was by herself grieving over her lover dying in war. She blew our minds away with her flawless technique and her dramatic performance. It wasn’t when her partner was assisting her on stage that inspired us, it was the way she commanded that stage alone as a women grieving.

She became a role model dancer for me because she was able to grab every audience member’s attention while she danced and the fact she was a women up there by herself without a man’s assistance. It helped me realize that she is an inspiration to me because she is a dancer but also the way she was able to express herself as a woman on stage in front of so many people because she is fully respected with no shame.